Email sent! The final notice I am given, formally alerting me that the semester had concluded. But, my brain has a hard time switching off after days of keyboard tapping a length of ~24 pages of essays and term papers. I sit here, on an open floor plan, half-filled with university students partially whispering, some plugged with headphones, and others basking in the morning sunlight by the floor-to-ceiling windows. One-by-one, I make all the open tabs crowding my computer screen disappear. A crazy thought occurs: maybe I'll even power off my laptop for the first time in six months?
It's a feeling much different than my 2021 fall semester. Instead of writing papers on climate change and lake eutrophication, I completed an exam on metabolic pathways for tumor suppression, and gene mutations, and amino acids. I stepped away from the medical institution defeated, very tired, and uncomfortable with my place there amongst the other students who were, comparatively, happy with their lab rotations and cancer and Alzheimer research. Today, however, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Any prior concerns about feeling regret over quitting a well-paying, fully funded PhD program are put to rest.
It's really wonderful completing big things. You know you had done something significant when, in the moment afterwards, you sit there unsure of what the next movement should be. Ending this semester is much like when I closed the cover of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, a series that had been by my side for most of my formative years. Or when the Zoom meeting ended for my Master's defense. Or when we spanned from ocean to ocean by bike. You kind of just sit there for a little bit, adjusting to the feeling of going from 100 to 0. Then, life slowly continues forward again when you've basked in the moment enough.
Despite the snow covered ground and the prickly winter air, the sun is beaming bright and the warmth makes your cheeks and eyelids glow. Clouds have now scattered the earlier vibrant, clear, turquoise sky, and everything feels at peace. I am very grateful for these charming moments where all emotional and mental stressors have quieted, and all that remains is a deep sense of harmony to describe my state of being.
I need to retain this for as long as possible, and the solution lies in ordering a hot tea, maybe boba, and finding a sunny nook to read the next book for Book Club: Touching the Void.
All in all, I'm grateful for sunlight and grateful for days like this when hard work pays off.
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